What kind of communication game can we pick up from an anime about Vikings?
You might say "none," but you probably haven't seen Vinland Saga. Even if you've seen the first season, you still might not believe me.
While the first season had hints of the moral direction of the story, the second season's departure from constant carnage and exploration of redemption, freedom, and peace set the stage to explore the concept of surrender.
Episode 22 is about fighting like a true warrior for peace.
Like Thorfinn, we should let most of our guard down when communicating in a challenging environment.
Vinland Saga is an anime set in the Viking Age and follows Thorfinn, son of Thors (Kalsefini), on his journey to becoming a true warrior, also known as a pacifist.
Brother Thorfinn is hard. Since childhood, he's been a skilled and fearsome warrior who initially seeks revenge against the man who sneak murdered his father. Even after his hope of revenge is snuffed out, he's enslaved and starts clearing forests with his bare hands, among other backbreaking physical tasks. The hardest part about Thorfinn, though, is the conquering of his internal struggle and his transformation from a vengeful warrior to a person searching for redemption and more peaceful existence. At one point, after months of harrowing nightmares about the people he's killed, he learns his path to redemption is through peace and pacifism. I had no choice but to start calling bro Thorfinn Luther King.
In this episode, Thorfinn finds himself caught in a precarious situation. Despite his initial intentions of ending the violence and protecting the farm he works on from seizure, he is forced into a dangerous gambit to gain an audience with the initiator of the violence: his old running mate, the King. The King's soldiers make a bet: if Thorfinn can endure 100 punches from one of these big, brolic Viking jokers, they'll let him go talk to the King.
Thorfinn, like Dr. Martin Luther King, can't be more than 5' 8". Bro is petite too. The soldiers start betting Thorfinn will last 10 or 20 punches before he gets knocked out. And after 31 punches, he does. His road dog, Einar, pulls up all frantic and distracts him. 31 punches in, Thorfinn had been taking his licks like a prostrator but had been expertly moving to do two things: not bear the full brunt of the punches and appear like he wasn't ducking them. When Thorfinn comes to, his people from the farm are circled around him, telling him he's wildin' out, let's go home, etc. But instead of folding, he gets up and asks Bro to give him the rest of his licks and says, "68 more, get it over with".
The point is not that we can take 100 licks from a big, brolic joker. It's that we can do more to disarm situations and work for civilized, productive conversations.
Thorfinn did three things we should pay attention to:
1) He had a mutually beneficial, empathetic goal, a good reason. He wanted the King to stop killing the farmers and not seize the farm.
2) He let his guard down. Thorfinn moves directly opposite of "Get your lick back." He pulls up on the enemy camp unarmed and unprovoked.
3) He did it like a true warrior. That's leading and following with peace. That means not fighting back but not letting someone land direct hits.
In relationships, we can shift our goals with people to be mutually oriented. We can work for win-win outcomes.
In relationships, we can relinquish our position in any dynamic to reach a people goal. That means getting vulnerable first. Bending the knee. Prostrating. Don't play games with people; at the very least, people you care about. Don't try to be cool and wait for them to say something.
In relationships, not fighting back means we can suspend judgment, hold our tongues, and excuse ourselves from explosive conversations until they can be had calmly. We can choose not to meet fire with fire or violence with violence.
In relationships, not letting someone land direct hits means getting out of conversations when someone is trying to hurt you. Thorfinn focused on softening the blows to make it through a hundred of them joints and avoid injury. Look out for yelling, belittling, and other forms of intimidation. You may hear hurtful things in tough conversations, but don't let folks verbally beat you to a pulp. You'll never make it to your goal like that.
Letting your guard down makes you more vulnerable, I know. But that's the point. It can be uncomfortable, but sometimes it's the only way to reach people.
Ultimately, it's a small risk to create more compassionate and understanding conversations and relationships with your people.
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